How Narcissist Uses Sex As a Weapon
How Narcissist Uses Sex As a Weapon Against YOU
Have you ever found yourself feeling violated and used after you just had sex with your partner? You felt emptied out: emotionally, physically, and mentally. All of that made you not want to have sex with your partner ever again because sex with him made you feel broken, or like there was something wrong with you. If it resonates, then you were probably in a relationship with a narcissist.
It’s not easy to spot a narcissist, especially if he’s a subtle subtype of narcissism. However, when it comes to sex and intimacy, you often can’t go wrong about detecting a narcissist. Narcissists have hard times hiding their tendencies in a bedroom. It becomes incredibly easy to spot a narcissist based on their sexual attitudes.
Let’s dive into how you can spot a narcissist based on their sexual behavior. Knowing these powerful signs can save you from heartbreak or another nasty divorce.
Sex Is Just Mechanics
Sex is nothing more but another tool in their manipulation and self-serving toolbox. They use sex as a way to get attention, validation, and admiration.
TEST A Narcissist: Sex Advice
If you make a comment about what he can do better in bed to give you more pleasure, the narcissist will often meet your “criticism” in a defensive manner by making YOU feel abnormal.
Jessica was in a relationship with a narcissist for 5 years. He manipulated her into doing things in the bedroom that she deemed inappropriate. She did them because he made her think if she didn’t then there was something wrong with her.
She thought she was going crazy.
Her narcissist ex-husband manipulated her by constantly breaking up with her and disappearing for several months. He would not even call to check in on their daughter while he was gone for 3 months at a time.
Then, he would come back. He would tell her he couldn’t live without her. And, of course, she would fall for it. He bought her expensive gifts, took her to boutique resorts, cooked her romantic dinners, and made love to her…passionately as if it was their first time.
This paradise phase lasted for 2 to 3 months. Then, he would start to withdraw. He would withdraw his affection, love, and sex. Sometimes he would masturbate and tell her about it, saying that she was a horrible woman who didn’t know how to give a man what he needs. He would list numerous reasons why he didn’t want to make love to her.
You Are On Your Own…ALWAYS
He constantly told her about every ex, and how they were better than she was. One day when Jessica was pregnant with their second baby, she noticed some bleeding.
She called her husband in tears and panic. But he coldly said that he was not in the mood for the drama and hang up. She was devastated. The pain was exacerbated by the fact that she lost her baby.
On the same day, Jessica found out that her husband was seeing other women. When she faced him with her discovery, he blamed it on her. How dare she is to tell him who he can have sex with!
He packed his things and left. He left Jessica and their daughter as if there was no miscarriage that day.
This is HOW Narcissist Seduces You
Seduction is one of the favorite games of a narcissist. He uses this skill to draw his power. In fact, the more challenging it is for a narcissist to seduce you, the stronger the emotional reward he will feel once he gets you into his bed.
It explains why they become so advanced at charm and charisma. If you feel magnetically drawn to a man and you can’t explain why then you’re probably dealing with a narcissist.
Narcissists tend to be control freaks. Seducing someone into having sex is also a form of control. The more difficult the woman to get, the more power and control he feels.
You’re Sexually Frigid
You can easily spot a narcissist in sex when you disclose to him that you’re actually not experiencing that much sexual pleasure as he had thought. Narcissists hate it! If you’ve been married to a narcissist, then you know what I am talking about.
If you don’t orgasm during sex, a narcissist will make sure to blame you for that by stating that you are broken or sexually frigid. He will never entertain a possibility that he might not be the supreme lover he actually believes he is.
He might even bring up his past girlfriends and say that none of them had a problem with orgasms so it must be you who is broken. He will do it to make you feel insecure and chastised.
Infidelity & Affairs
If you’re dating, in a relationship, or How to Deal With a Narcissist dealing with a narcissist, then you probably find yourself overwhelmed and confused by the pendulum of his attitude towards sex. One minute he says that sex is the most important thing in your relationship. That it’s a special connection both of you share. And the other minute he says “It’s Just Sex.”
It’s Just Sex
Adultery and infidelity are common practices of the narcissist. He might rationalize it by saying that all men are designed to be sexual with multiple women. He might even say that men were not designed to be monogamous.
The narcissist feels robbed of his uniqueness when he doesn’t get sexual validation from other women. Infidelities and extramarital affairs are the ways he rebels against vulnerability and validates his superiority and specialness.
The Real Reason Why He Cheated
The core reasons why your ex-husband was unfaithful to you can vary. Yet I can tell you one thing, it’s often has nothing to do with you. Your ex might have even blamed you for pushing him to cheat.
Please know – you’re NOT broken and it’s NOT your fault!
You can’t push anyone into an affair. His behaviors and life choices have everything to do with him. Infidelities give him control, power, attention, increased self-image, and validation. If you still want to know what is it about you that makes you a magnet to a narcissist then read this article.
The Secret to Real Love
Intimacy is the word that doesn’t exist in the narcissist’s vocabulary. An unhealed narcissist is unable to empathize or genuinely love another person because what he’s afraid the most is the vulnerability.
You can’t love if you’re unwilling to be vulnerable.
Illusion of Intimacy
Narcissists are master manipulators. They know how to create an illusion of intimacy that is so tempting that keeps you wanting to come back for more. I love this metaphor of comparing elusive intimacy of the narcissist to an outstanding salesperson.
Like a master salesperson, he uses charisma and profound skills to identify your key life drivers to get your attention and pain points to manipulate you. He also uses flattery to make you feel special, understood, and listened to.
This is where seduction comes in. Flirting, amazing flower bouquets, expensive Champaign, luxury cars, gifts, dinners, VIP vacations, etc. He uses these techniques to sweep you off your feet and to persuade you into giving what he wants.
Real Truth Behind the Narcissist’s Game
Knowing these signs will save you another heartbreak, divorce, or crushed self-esteem. Because when you no longer meet and energize the narcissist’s need for power and control, he spits you out and abandons you with no remorse. This abandonment often comes a surprise for many women who I work with.
Why You So Desperately Want Him
Sarah told me that she didn’t expect her ex to leave so unexpectedly right on Christmas Eve. She was begging him to say for Christmas just for their daughter to have this holiday. Nothing worked. He packed his suitcase and drove away in his favorite Bentley.
Sarah felt used and abandoned. She felt like she failed as a mother because their daughter didn’t understand what was happening.
Yet she also recalls that during their 10 years of marriage, she would always find herself feeling lonely and alone. When you’re in a marriage with a narcissist, you tend to feel disconnected from your partner way before the abandonment happens. Why?
Your Way Out
Because a narcissist is never motivated to fulfill your needs. He is never driven to make you happy. He will create an illusion of fictional reality for you to think you’re happy so he can get his happiness in return.
If you want more tools and powerful strategies to rediscover yourself after a broken heart, divorce, or toxic relationship, then you book your free breakthrough session with me. Only on one condition. You’re serious about making a change. You owe it to yourself.
Like this episode? Please share it! I can keep this blog and all my podcasts and videos ad-free and sponsor-free ONLY because you share my work! Please share or subscribe to my podcast and YouTube channel too!