Divorcing a Narcissist! Tips and Advice
Divorce & Breakup

How to Make Your Divorce Painless with a Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist! 10 Ways To Make It Painless

Are you going through a separation or divorce with a narcissist? Are you in an unbearable emotional pain that no matter what you do or how you distract yourself, your broken heart is crying with blood tears?

Now it’s hard to believe that it all started unbelievably beautiful. You were head over hills in love. And today, your assumed perfect relationship has become a toxic relationship. Emotional abuse is your everyday experience.

You Can’t Take It Anymore

You’ve decided that it can’t continue like that. You’re filing for divorce. But it’s not the cost of a divorce that keeps you up at night, it’s a heart-wrenching process of interacting with your soon to be narcissistic ex-husband.

Night after sleepless night, you lie awake replaying the fights you had over the course of last year.

How Can He Do This to Me?

You can’t comprehend how someone you loved so deeply could turn into a monster. You can’t understand why your partner behaves as if there was no love between you or as if you’re his #1 enemy in the entire world. Every time you meet him for a divorce mediation, he simply ignores how you feel and keeps twisting the knife into your broken heart deeper and deeper.

You’ve tried everything to save your marriage, but nothing worked. You know it is the time for divorce or breakup, yet the thought of being alone and feeling alone petrifies you.

You look yourself in the mirror and you don’t recognize the person you’ve become. If you don’t end this pattern of toxic relationships in your life, you might completely lose yourself.

Here is your healing elixir that will help you find the strength you might not feel right now. These 5 hot truths will help you cope with a divorce against a narcissist.

Narcissist is selfish and self-centered

How Can I Let Go?

Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do.

We all at some point of our lives were forced to accept that certain relationships weren’t meant to be.

You know that the lies, emotional abuse, and cheating have become too much to handle. This reminds me of my client Jane.

Every day she found herself in fear of what the evening might bring. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that she was a successful portfolio manager and respected by many people in her firm. Yet when she got home she was mistreated by her ex emotionally and physically.

How could I allow things to get to this level?” It was the question she kept repeating during our sessions with her.

She wanted him to stop hurting her. She would always tell me of how amazing their relationship was. She told me that he can be kind and loving. She was hoping that he would change.

She wanted him to understand that he was destroying her. But nothing could do that. He was a narcissist and there was nothing Jane could do to change that.

It doesn’t matter how much you loved him, a narcissist will never change for anyone unless he decides to do it for himself.  Your love is also not enough to make him change.

Ask yourself, “Is he really worth your suffering?” You and I know the answer. This is why you’re considering divorce.

If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, you need to find ways to awaken the strength you have in you to heal and move on.

Divorcing a narcissist is a tough decision

Do I Really Deserve Real Love?

Sometimes, the real reason that keeps us in toxic relationships is the fact that we don’t feel worthy of the right man.

Would you say that you have a tendency to push away the right people away and instead attract narcissists into your life? This pattern goes back to the core issue of feeling unworthy and not enough to be loved by the man of your dreams.

It’s like trying to plant flowers into a road metal. It will never grow. No matter how much you will love these flowers or how much water you will pour.

Remember, that the only thing you have is NOW. If you spend NOW on the wrong person, then you will not have enough time for the right person. Separation and divorce for women are very painful.

But this painful experience can become the greatest gift of your life.

  • How can the right man enter your life if there is no space?
  • Will you really be able to appreciate the right man when you’re in a mental state you’re today?

It took me a long time to realize this hot truth.

My mother and grandmother were telling me that I would find a man who would respect me and love me back then, but I never believed them. I decided to let go of my toxic relationship, but I was very skeptical of true love.

Shortly after as I let go of my toxic relationship, I met my husband. He is the reason I believe in true love, long-term passion, and respect today. This is why I help women just like you to create the same future for yourself.

I am living proof that you can experience true love if you do what’s right, heal your past wounds, fall in love with yourself, and be patient.

You may not know how self-love or real love looks like for you because you might have never experienced it in your family of origin, but it’s waiting for you. It’s just waiting for the version of you that really wants it and not just wishes it.

divorce therapist can help you get rid of abusive relationship

How Can I Make Him See That He Needs To Change?

This is the one question I hear from so many women during our free breakthrough sessions. Trying to force somebody to change is the greatest mistake you can do when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

Because you will be turned into somebody who is crazy.

One of the most liberating life lessons I deciphered is that the only person you control in this world is yourself.

Sometimes even in relationship and sex therapy, I see women who come to work with me but I sense that they are not truly wanting to change. They don’t want to own their life choices and show their commitment to follow through with necessary shifts in their lives.

It’s the same when it comes to dealing with a divorce with a narcissist. He can promise to change and never do the hurtful things again, but it will be one of his manipulative stunts.

The painful truth is if he had promised you these things before but you’ve not seen the shift, then it’s likely that things will stay the same.

Because a relationship with a narcissist is never about YOU or the relationship. It’s always about the narcissist. And divorce will magnify the degree of pain and humiliation he will try to pour on you.

Why Can’t I See The Red Flags?

When we’re standing in the middle of it, we have our judgment antenna clouded. This is why a therapist or coach is so valuable.  I can help you see the difference between giving a person an endless benefit of the doubt vs. forgiveness. It’s about letting go of the fear of ending up alone.

If you also want to come out of this divorce stronger and healthier, you need to understand that change has to come from within yourself only.

You can’t wait for the external circumstances to get better such as money or time. You need to ignite the change and then your life circumstance will change. Not the other way around.

Sail out of your divorce leaving the narcissist behind

How Long Will It Hurt Like This?

As long as it needs to. Breakups, divorces and separations are supposed to hurt. There is no easy way of getting around it.

It’s going to hurt. Pain is here to teach you a lesson.

However, a few women choose to use the pain to cut their wings and shut down their heart. This is just one way of dealing with the pain but there are plenty. This pain is here to give you an opportunity to learn how to live for yourself and find yourself.

Look Beyond the Pain

If you focus on the immediate pain that comes with a divorce, then you will not see the happiness that awaits you on the other side.

You shouldn’t be afraid of pain. You should be afraid of suffering!

Pain is a part of life. Suffering is a choice.

When I ended my relationship with my ex, I tried everything I could to teach myself about self-love. I decided that I will use pain to my advantage. Then the pain disappeared.

I know that there is part of you that is tempted to mend your relationship with him rather than end it. This temptation is often nothing more than just a destruction to avoid the pain because sometimes it seems that disappointment is easy to deal with that feeling lonely.

The hot truth is that only if you face and work with the pain, you will liberate yourself. Otherwise, by avoiding the pain you’re guaranteeing yourself a long-term life of suffering.

Pain is here to teach you a lesson

How Can I Get Rid of Emotional Pain?

Your emotions are your friends. The biggest mistake you can do is stop yourself from feeling whatever you’re feeling right now.

By numbing yourself out, you are setting up a time ticking bomb for yourself. These unprocessed emotions will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Sometimes we think that crying is weak. So we put on I Am STRONG badge. The more we do it, the worse we feel.

Feel your feelings. Become curious about what they are trying to tell you.

If you need help, divorce therapy will help you get over this pain faster and more effective that you could ever do it on your own.

Once you allow yourself to cry, feel angry and face your fears, you will immediate gain control over your life. You will start smiling again.

You will find yourself connecting with the trees, feeling the wind caressing your skin, the sun shining and warming your heart.

You will feel reborn.

By trying to stay “STRONG,” you’re actually being weak.

Don't be scared, you will be back to life after divorcing narcissist

How Can I Find Myself Back After Divorce?

Finding yourself after a divorce is not easy, but it’s an exciting adventure.

The way you feel right now, it might seem like the end of the world.

Please believe me when I say that your mind is just playing tricks on you. The universe is just testing how bad you really want to feel worthy and enough. You’re tricked into thinking that happiness is not possible.

But that is BULLSHIT!

Pain in Our Life is a Test

What if everything in our lives was happening FOR us, not TO us?

What if everything in your life was a divine timing?

Now is the best time to do the work. Work with a divorce therapist or relationship coach to heal your broken heart so your future is no longer a copy of your past.

This is also the best time to know yourself.

You might even consider taking time off. What is the one destination you always wanted to visit?

For me, it is the ocean. It’s my #1 medicine in life. It helps me stay grounded. It calms my mind from searching for solutions. What is that something for you?

You can do a weekend of self-love emersion with me. We can go off for 3 days to an island. It will help you dedicate yourself to self-love and discover a new you.

Eventually, you will begin focusing more on myself, and less on divorce. It will not happen overnight. It’s a process, so you should fall in love with the process. If you allow it, each day will become a new chapter of your life. Therapy and coaching heal.

Karolina Pasko - Relationship coach, sex therapist and divorce consultant

How Can I Get Back Control Over My Life?

Your happiness is in your hands. You’re the only person responsible for making YOU happy. No one else.

Taking back control begins with you.

Everyone needs help at one time or another. You don’t have to go through this alone.

A good expert will save you time and money. You will be able to feel happy and joyful in all areas of your life faster.

You will never get back the time wasted while waiting

If you’re in a toxic relationship or divorce right now, I can help you. Working with me can help you get back on your feet.

My clients and I are living proof that you can get through this. You can overcome your situation.

Just imagine finally being happy again, feeling strong and confident about your life, enjoying the things that you used to love. No more worrying about if you’re worthy of your ideal man or if you are sexy enough.

You are finally excited in love with the present.

The load has been lifted off your chest. The tears of sadness no longer run down your cheeks. Only tears of happiness and gratitude.

You finally realize and believe you deserve better. You feel it in your heart. It may seem unimaginable right now, but it’s definitely possible for YOU.

If you make the choice today, you are one step closer to a happier tomorrow.

You can do it. I believe in you. Now it’s the time for you to believe in yourself. Take the necessary step today and schedule your free Breakthrough Session to start the healing process.

From now on, you will work toward living the amazing life you deserve.

How to finally get the love you want?

Once you’ve had a chance to read, I’d love to know: what is the most painful for you right now as you’re dealing with the divorce with a narcissist? How do you want it to be different? 

No matter what you’re facing right now, there is an adventurous journey ahead. You can use your heart, courage, and dedication to find a way or make a way. It all comes to how bad you want to make it happen.

Leave a comment below and share as much detail as you can in your reply.

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Karolina Tatarenkova