How To Deal With Relationship Anxiety?
Do you feel stressed in your love life? Do you feel overwhelmed by everything that is happening in your life and relationship anxiety, trying to save your marriage?
The reason you keep grasping for air is that you having been on-the-go. How can you enjoy the process or journey if you are flying through your life with the cruising speed of an aeroplane?
Stress is the Mother of Relationship Anxiety
Stress is one of the key issues that destroys your sex drive and shakes your intimate relationship. In my couples counselling, I see the same pattern coming up again and again: people wanting to jump to a solution right away. The quicker the better. But it doesn’t work this way.
The Art of Slowing Down
If I ask you to find a needle on the ground as you fly through on the airplane, will you able to do it? OK, I will even descend a little, will you be able to do it?
Outside of Relationship Advice
To avoid a burnout, you need to pace yourself. I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends. He told me, “Karolina, life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.”
I have to remind myself about this all the time. It’s also true for your marriage, intimate relationship, sex life, or even business. I know for myself that if I don’t pace my energy, I will find myself depleted of passion, love for what I do, creativity to create more, and desire to love myself. Because when you are burned out, you start feeling guilty for not being more productive. As a result, you push yourself even more.
Next thing you know you start hating what had been giving you pleasure and igniting your passion all this time. Then when you realise that it’s time for self-love, you start feeling even guiltier because you haven’t been productive in such a long time. If you had slowed down, you would have returned to your work long time ago.
Slowing Down the Airplane
Set your Daily Focus
When I catch myself flooded by performance anxiety and jingling too many problems at a time, I know that I have not been setting my daily intentions. It’s so easy to let other people’s urgency enter your world and become your own urgency. To avoid it, in the morning ask yourself, “What is my focus for the day?”
Living in this world where we are conditioned to live from one achievement to another, we tend to forget how to find beauty, serenity and a sense of accomplishment from things around us. I love my walking meditations. They make me realise that there is so much beauty around me to which sometimes I am completely blind to while chasing the superficial side of it. Go for a walk and slow down taking in the colours of the trees, sounds of the wind, or movements of the clouds.
I find that the way people eat is the way they make love. It’s a powerful metaphorical reflection. Most of us inhale food running from one business meeting to another, from completing one household errand to another, or from one negative “what-if” thought to another. Food has so much healing energy. Next time you eat, think about every bite you take. The nutritional value it will gift your body. Then translate the same strategy to your sex life.
In sex therapy one of the first things I invite my clients to endure is to differentiate fast food sex from gourmet sex. By inviting conscious eating, you can also invite passionate intimacy into your healthy relationship.
We all are in a rush to get somewhere. But we never ask ourselves, “Where am I rushing to? What is about to happen that I will never be able to experience again that I am about to miss out on.” Try to believe that the reason things happen is for you to learn a lesson from them.
They are supposed to happen. Instead of getting infuriated by the driver who cuts in front of you, have some compassion for that person because they are definitely flying by their lives thinking that if they arrive at their final destination 5 minutes earlier, it will make a life-changing difference.
I want to propose a challenge for you to take on for the rest of the week.
Find Pleasure in Whatever You Do
There are certain things in your life that you have to do but you don’t love doing them. How do you feel when you think about doing these tasks? You probably put them off as much as you can, and when you finally do them there is so much negative energy builds up your body. You feel depleted. As a result, you need a vacation from this whole experience. That’s not a very empowering mindset, is it? Why do you keep allowing relationship anxiety control your life? Try to think of different ways to have fun when doing them.
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